The League of Extraordiary Evil
by pinkalarmclock
Summary: A club of all evil people....meeting every week. Of course, chaos comes quick. It's in PoC because I like Jack Sparrow! Read and Review! Chapter 4 up.
1. Meeting 103

**The League of Extraordinary Evil.**

**Minutes of Meeting 103**

----------------------

'102!'

'Shut up Zach' Nerd.

----------------------

**Minutes of Meeting 102**

**Treasurer; Pinkalarmclock**

**Secretary; Pinkalarmclock**

**Chairwoman; Pinkalarmclock**

**Supreme Ruler of the Universe: Pinkala-**

_HEY _

**I Rule the world!**

_No you don't_! 

**I do!**

It's my story. Get away from my minutes before I make everyone into Mary-Sue's. Yes, even Count Olaf.

(Descriptive Note) Everyone shuts up and backs away from Pinkalarmclock's Magical Pen.

----------------------

'Ok, role call. Lord Voldemort?'

'Here'

'Snape?'

'I'm sitting next to you. Of course I'm here.'

'Snapey dearest. Sarcasm only works with people who are scared of you. No shut up before I release the fan-girls.'

Hehe. I love being the writer and League-Manager.

'Barbossa?'

'Arr'

'Jack, Barbossa's monkey?'

'AVADA KEDAVRA!' Flash of green light.

Sigh. Pinkalarmclock, trouble-stopper extraordinaire.

'Voldemort, do I have to steal your wand again?' Works every time….

'NO! IT'S MINE!' He screamed. 'Plus…it's not like the stupid thing can die…'

'True. It just annoys me when you do spells.'

(DN) Voldemort sits in his chair and sulks. I play with his wand. Hehe

'Mrs Coulter and Mrs Coulter's daemon?'

'Here'

'Zach?'

'Duh.'

'Count Olaf?'

'Aye,'

----------------------

All present.

**Item 1**

**The League of Extraordinary Evil's annual trip. Where do we go?**

----------------------

'Definitely Paris. We would be in time for Fashion Week.' Mrs Coulter. Evil in a skirt. I like it..

'I like it, but you forget that everyone else are guys. Although Zach would probably go for it..' Have you seen what he wears in the 1st Season? Totally gay.

'Hogsmeade'

'Now Snape, weunderstand thatyou miss your Firewhisky, but can you imagine Barbossa running around the Shrieking Shack?'

'I really need Firewhisky! Give it to me!'

Snape scares me. A lot.

'Isla de Murta. It's very cool, lots of treasure!'

'Yeah. Cursed treasure. Plus, Olaf gets sea-sick. Get real Barbossa'

I think we may be in for a long argument. Oh well, I have the whole 2nd Season of Desperate Housewives on my iPod…….

Bliss.

**A/N Teehee. This was just a short chapter to get it started. Its going to be a whole load of short things about the League of Extraordinary Evil. Great name or what! The next chapter will have some Jack Sparrow…..what, not evil? He sold his soul for a ship!**

**Just in case you didn't get it….**

**Lord Voldemort-Harry Potter**

**Snape-Harry Potter**

**Barbossa-Pirates of the Caribbean**

**Mrs Coulter-His Dark Materials Books**

**Zach-Desperate Housewives**

**Count Olaf-A Series of Unfortunate Events.**

**If you want to know more**

**http/ (if it doesn't show here, go to my profile or ****and search pinkalarmclock)**

**Now, hit that little review button down there and make Pinkalarmclock one very happy crazy person!**


	2. Applications

**The League of Extraordinary Evil.**

**Minutes of Meeting 103 –yes 103 this time…**

**Pinkalarmclock rules the world. Duh**

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'But..'

'Don't even go there, Barbossa.'

----------------------

**All present.**

**Item 1**

**Applications for replacing Zach. He got kicked out after Pinkalarmclock watched Season 2 on her iPod and realised he wasn't evil. Enough.**

**Thanks to Barbossa and Count Olaf for making them.**

----------------------

'Hmm, weird. We only got 3 applications…. And none of them from Draco Malfoy….'

'Malfoy? That idiot? He couldn't even kill an old coot. Snape had to do it.'

'Voldie, Draco Malfoy is hot.

----------------------

**Application 1**

**Name. Sharpay Evans**

**Most Evil thing you've ever, ever done. I'm total evil, with a great singing voice.**

**On a scale 1-10, how evil are you? 10, duh.**

**Your favourite colour? Pink**

**Are you a girl? Yes**

**Would you go out with a (very) evil pirate? No way. **

**Or a (soon to be) rich evil count? See above.**

**Wait a second, how old are you? 16**

**And are you rich? Duh**

**Extra comments? Why did I even fill this in?**

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'You used Application forms to get dates? How desperate are you! Even bloody _Harry Potter_ doesn't do that!'

Hear hear, my dear Snapey. AndSharpay's already got Zeke.

----------------------

**Application 2**

**Name. Darth Vader (nee Anakin Skywalker) **

**Most Evil thing you've ever, ever done. Cut off my son's arm-on purpose! Beat that!**

**On a scale 1-10, how evil are you? 1, most evil person ever**

**Your favourite colour? Pink, it really brings out the colour of my eyes.**

**Are you a girl? Yes, I mean, No! **

**Would you go out with a (very) evil pirate? Maybe **

**Or a (soon to be) rich evil count? Oh yeah…**

**Wait a second, how old are you? Younger that you! Really! **

**And are you rich? No comment**

**Extra comments? Do I get to keep my lightsabers?**

----------------------

'Well, we're not have _him_ in! Obviously gay.'

'And Mrs Coulter, you've never even seen the films. How right you are.'

----------------------

**Name. Captain Jack Sparrow**

**Most Evil thing you've ever, ever done. I'm very evil..>:)**

**On** **a scale 1-10, how evil are you? 8 (minus points for that one time…)**

**Your favourite colour? Why do you need to know?**

**Are you a girl? How many girls do you know called Jack (outside of Tortuga anyway)?**

**Would you go out with a (very) evil pirate? I am a very evil pirate. **

**Or a (soon to be) rich evil count? If it was a girl….**

**Wait a second, how old are you? Secret **

**And are you rich? Most of the Isla de Muerta**

**Extra comments? (i e, how cool Count Olaf is) Was it Barbossa who wrote this? **

----------------------

'NO WAY.'

'Well, he _is_ the only person who we can get in! You managed to freak out all the other people.'

'Just because you got beaten by him once…several…ok, every time you ever fought him..'

'How did you know that? And he _doesn't, _just sometimes he gets lucky…'

Err, a thing called a FILM.

Hmm, having a pair of enemies in an 'Evil' club will be funny….

Welcome to the League of Extraordinary Evil, Mr Sparrow!

**A/N Only one review? You disappoint me…..lol**

**I was going to wait till I got more reviews, but thorinella gave me such a nice one that I updated. Sorry to all you Star Wars fans out there, but Darth Vader always seemed so gay to me……sorry!**


	3. Chatrooms

_Welcome to Chat-time's Chatroom pinkalarmclock!_

_dramaqueen101: Heya Em!_

_pinkalarmclock : Hi Laur_

_dramaqueen101: U bored?_

_pinkalarmclock: totally :(_

_dramaqueen101: so…u watched BB last night?_

_pinkalarmclock: no, we don't get it over here……_

_dramaqueen101: so_

_pinkalarmclock: so_

_**rumluver06 signed in**_

_**mwahaha-apples! signed in**_

_dramaqueen101: Lol, nice names!_

_pinkalarmclock: hehe…._

_rumluver06 : I hate u!_

_mwahaha-apples! I hate u more!_

_rumluver06 : u stole all the rum!_

_Mwahaha-apples! u stole all the rum FROM ME!_

_rumluver06 : ur a….a stopid excuse for a pirate!_

_Mwahaha-apples! well, ur even stopided!_

_pinkalarmclock: err, guys? Its spelt stupid. Lol_

_dramaqueen101: lol, who are they?_

_pinkalarmclock: these idiot guys from my league thingy…._

_**i-h8-gryffindors signed in**_

_**deatheatersrocktheworld signed in**_

_dramaqueen101: omg. Not more weirdos?_

_pinkalarmclock: oh yeah._

_deatheatersrocktheworld: hello idiotic muggles, I will destroy you all!_

_Mwahaha-apples: great greeting voldie_

_deatheatersrocktheworld: ur just jealous coz I'm taking over the world and ur a skeleton. Nah nah na nah nah!_

_Mwahaha-apples: liar!_

_**Mwahaha-apples! sent deatheatersrocktheworld an e-whack on the head with a hammer**_

_**deatheatersrocktheworld sent Mwahaha-apples! an e-Cruciatus curse**_

_Mwahaha-apples: OWW!_

_deatheatersrocktheworld: OWW!_

_**i-h8-gryffindors sent everyone but pinkalarmclock and dramaqueen101 (because they totally rock) an e-SHUT UP! Pop-up card**_

_rumluver06: u shut up!_

_i-h8-gryffindors: shut up!_

_pinkalarmclock: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

_i-h8-gryffindors: oooooooooooooooo_

_rumluver06: oooooooooooooooo_

_deatheatersrocktheworld: oooooooooooooooo _

_Mwahaha-apples: oooooooooooooooo_

_pinkalarmclock: THANK you. Anyone mind telling me what the hell is going on?_

_rumluver06: its ALL barbossa's fault. He stole the rum._

_Mwahaha-apples: did so not! He did coz I said I was more evil than him!_

_rumluver06: but I am. Haha_

_deatheatersrocktheworld: u must b joking. I could kick ur butts any day_

_i-h8-gryffindors: please! U were a little monkey thing until 2 years ago!_

_**deatheatersrocktheworld sends I-h8-gryffindors a totally evil-y e-curse**_

_**i-h8-gryffindors sends deatheathersrocktheworld one straight back**_

_**rumluver06 sends Mwahaha-apples! an e-fatal hit with a sword**_

_Mwahaha-apples: haha I can't die!_

_rumluver06: crap._

_**Mwahaha-apples! sends rumluver06 a virtual…….fish**_

_**pinkalarmclock sends Mwahaha-apples! a virtual WERID look**_

_pinkalarmclock: beware of the fish. Whoo._

_Mwahaha-apples: totally evil isn't it! _

_pinkalarmclock: can u all SHUT UP about being evil! What do u want, an evil competiton or something?_

_deatheatersrocktheworld, rumluver06, Mwahaha-apples! and i-h8-gryffindors : YAY!_

_**deatheatersrocktheworld signed out**_

_**rumluver06 signed out**_

_**Mwahaha-apples! signed out**_

_**i-h8gryffindors signed out**_

_pinkalarmclock: ok……weirdness abounds….lol_

_dramaqueen101: right._

_Pinkalarmclock: so what happened on BB?_

**A/N Sorry it took so long! I've been on holiday and I wrote this in St Lucia, but didn't type it up, then I went to the UK (I got off the plane 3 hours ago!) so I've just done it!**

**Thanx to Thorinella and Stripysockz, my wonderful reviewers! **

**Again, it might take a while to post, I'm going on holiday again!**

**(oh, if you're not Uk-ish, then BB is Big Brother which is a reality TV show and everyone's obbsessed with it!)**


	4. Evilness Competiton Part I

'Hello and welcome to the first annual _League of Extraordinary Evil Ultimate Evilness competition_! I'm That-really-hot-CBBC-presenter-who-was-also-on-those-two-episodes-of-Doctor-Who-with-the-Cybermen, and I'm one of your hosts!'

'And I'm James, Emma's-sorry, pinkalarmclock's-younger brother. She couldn't come…..I don't know anything? Why are you looking at me?'

'Ok…..anyway, our 5 contestants will compete for the ultimate prize…….(oi, James, what's the prize?) which-'

'Will be revealed at the end of the show! Anyway, lets meet our contestants!'

_'I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies  
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity  
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva  
I'm gonna go go go  
There's no stopping me_

_I'm burning through the skies Yeah!  
Two hundred degrees  
That's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
I wanna make a supersonic man of you...'_

_Music fades out…_

'Our first competitor has seriously weird hair, an obsession with his ship and a thing about getting slapped! Pleeeeese welcome…JACK SPARROW!'

_'The world would be a lonely place  
Without the one that puts a smile on your face  
So hold me 'til the sun burns out  
I won't be lonely when I'm down _

'Cause I've got you to make me feel stronger  
When the days are rough and an hour feels much longer

I never doubted you at all  
The stars collide, will you stand by and watch them fall? (by and watch them fall)  
So hold me 'til the sky is clear  
And whisper words of love right into my ear

'Cause I've got you to make me feel stronger  
When the days are rough and an hour feels much longer  
Yeah when I got you  
Oh to make me feel better  
When the nights are long they'll be easier together

Looking in your eyes  
Hoping they won't cry  
And even if you do  
I'll be in bed so close to you  
Hold you through the night  
And you'll be unaware  
But if you need me I'll be there

Yeah I got you  
Oh to make me feel stronger  
When the days are rough and an hour feels much longer  
Yeah when I got you to make me feel better  
When the nights are long they'll be easier together'

Jack comes running out of one of those foil-y curtain things and strikes a pose. That-really-hot-CBBC-presenter-who-was-also-on-those-two-episodes-of-Doctor-Who-with-the-Cybermen, now to be known as Bob, considering no-one can be bothered to find out his name, whispers to James (Emma/Pinkalarmclock's brother, remember?).

'**What has _that _song got to do with anything?'**

'**Ok, so I just downloaded it off Em's 'Cool Songs' Playlist. But it's Jack Sparrow we're talking about: anything works for him! Quick, announce the next person!'**

'Our second competitor loves disguises, stalks three kids and needs to get a new girlfriend! Give a biiiig hand to…..COUNT OLAF!'

'_I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind_

_There was something so pleasant about that phase._

_Even your emotions had an echo_

_In so much space_

_And when you're out there _

_Without care,_

_Yeah, I was out of touch_

_But it wasn't because I didn't know enough_

_I just knew too much_

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Does that make me crazy?_

_Probably_

_And I hope that you are having the time of your life_

_But think twice, that's my only advice_

_Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,_

_Ha ha ha, bless your soul_

_You really think you're in control_

_Well, I think you're crazy _

_I think you're crazy _

_I think you're crazy_

_Just like me_

_My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb_

_And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them_

_Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun_

_And it's no coincidence I've come_

_And I can die when I'm done_

_Maybe I'm crazy_

_Maybe you're crazy_

_Maybe we're crazy_

_Probably'_

'**That one works.'**

'**Yep. He's crazy.'**

'Number Three loves apples, is a dirty traitor (but lets' face it, who isn't these days?) and can't die! Give it uuuuup for……..BARBOSSA!'

'_Watching the people get lairy  
It's not very pretty I tell thee  
Walking through town is quite scary  
It's not very sensible either  
A friend of a friend he got beaten  
He looked the wrong way at a policeman  
Would never of happened to Smeaton  
An old leodensian _

I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot

I tried to get to my taxi  
The man in a tracksuit attacks me  
He said that he saw it before me  
And wants to get things a bit gory  
Girls scrabble round with no clothes on  
To borrow a pound for a condom  
If it wasn't for chip fat they'd be frozen  
they're not very sensible

I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot

And if there's anybody left in here  
That doesn't want to be out there  
Watching the people get lairy  
It's not very pretty I tell thee  
Walking through town is quite scary  
It's not very sensible

I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot

And if there's anybody left in here  
That doesn't want to be out there

I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot  
I predict a riot'

'**Right, I get this one! It's coz Barbossa is always fighting!'**

'**Err…yeah! Totally!'**

'Competitor Four thinks Black is the new Black, has a disturbing obsession with a sixteen year-old boy, and made his biggest fan cut off his right hand! Gooooo Voldemort!'

'_Help, I need somebody,  
Help, not just anybody,  
Help, you know I need someone, help. _

_When I was younger, so much younger than today,  
I never needed anybody's help in any way.  
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,  
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors. _

_Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me. _

_And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,  
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.  
But every now and then I feel so insecure,  
I know that I just need you like I've never done before. _

_Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me. _

_When I was younger, so much younger than today,  
I never needed anybody's help in any way.  
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,  
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors. _

_Help me if you can, I'm feeling down  
And I do appreciate you being round.  
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,  
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.' _

'**The Beatles? Help?'**

'**Excuse me, have you even _met _the guy? Serious need for some help there, me thinks!'**

'Our fifth wannabe-Evil person owns a top-secret facility in the Artic, loves shopping and her idea of being nice to her daughter is knocking her out in a cave for a few weeks. Come on down, MRS COULTER!'

Silence. James whispers in Bob's ear.

'Err, sorry. Turns out Mrs Coulter thinks Evil contests are stupid and immature.'

'CoughChickenCough'

'She also said that Voldemort is an idiot and she's supporting Snape.'

'WHAT! I-'

'Ok, so to our fifth and final contestant. He has an unhealthy love of snakes and green, probably listens to Celine Dion in private and could do with being introduced to a little thing called shampoo-SHAMPOO IS OUR FRIEND!

Anyway, SNAPE rocks!'

'_Someday I will find my prince_

_He may be far away_

_But I know he will come_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams _

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams_

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Someday my prince will come_

_Someday I'll find a love_

_And how thrilling that moment will be_

_When the prince of my dreams comes to me_

_He'll whisper I love you (I love you)_

_And steal a kiss or two (Just one kiss)_

_Though he may be far away_

_I will find my love someday_

_Someday we'll say and do_

_The things we've been longing to_

_And I'll know him the moment we meet_

_For my heart will start skipping a beat_

_Someday when my dreams come true_

_Somewhere waiting for me_

_There's someone I'm longing to see_

_Someone I can't help but adore_

_Who will thrill me for ever more?_

_Someday we'll say and do_

_The things we've been longing to_

_And I'll know him the moment we meet_

_For my heart will start skipping a beat_

_Someday when my dreams come true_

_Someday my prince will come (Someday my princess will come)_

_And I will find my love (And I will find my love)_

_And I'll know it the moment we meet (The moment we meet)_

_Prince of my dreams _

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams_

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams _

_Far away_

_To call my own_

_Someday_

_Prince of my dreams (Prince of her dreams)_

_Far away (Far away)_

_To call my own (To call your own)_

_Someday (Someday)_

_Prince of my dreams (Prince of her dreams)_

_Far away (Far away)_

_To call my own (To call your own)_

_Someday (My dreams will come true)_

_Prince of my dreams (Prince of her dreams)_

_Far away (Far away)_

_To call my own (Call your own)_

_Someday'_

Crickets chirp. Or they would if they weren't so OMG, shock horror, whhhho.

Snape stands dead still, staring in silent anger at James. Of course, Bob opens his mouth.

'**Like to explain that one, James?'**

'**Err……wrong CD?'**

'Why am I indroduced by _Ashely Tisdale_?'

Thus begins a long period of Snape chasing James, throwing curses at him, followed by everyone else, yelling various things, like :

'GO SNAPE! YOU RULE!'

'RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!'

and a particularly blood-curdling cry of

'HE'S DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!'

----

Some of Don't Stop Me Now : Queen

I've Got You : McFly

I Predict a Riot : Kaiser Chiefs

Help : The Beatles

Someday My Prince Will come : Ashley Tisdale

---

**A/N Ello again! Again, sorry it took me a while to update! Rachel Hale notepads to **

**ImCrazyAndProundOfIt**

**StripySockz**

**And totally my best reviewer Thorinella!**


	5. Evilness Competiton Part II

**Sorry if I didn't make it clear in the last chapter, but the dialogue in bold was James/Bob talking to each in whispers that weren't picked up by the mics. Lucky you, you are the only people to listen to it!!!**

'Welcome back to part one of the League of Extraordinary Evil Ultimate Evilness Competition, hosted by (a severely spell-charred) James and myself. Our first Event is the _Magical Creature Face-off_!!!!'

'We're at the pool now, where our two competitions have chosen to race.'

'Each of our competitors have their own 'evil' creature, and they will race 100 metres. The first to finish will be the winner.'

'Starting us off, we have Jack Sparrow and THE KRAKEN!!!!!!!'

Applause from all the audience…(which is a surprising number, considering the competition is taking place in pinkalarmclock's pool and the garden isn't THAT big)

'**The Kraken??? That doesn't belong to him….'**

'**Bob, just announce gulp Snape.'**

'Facing them, we have Snape and the GIANT SQUID!!!!!!'

Applause from the audience…applause from the audience…ok, no applause from the audience…

'**Err, what happened?'**

'**They saw him trying to Avada Kedavra me last night.'**

'**What do we do???'**

'**Who cares? He got me right on the bum: he doesn't deserve any clapping'**

Snape (who is sitting on the poolside next to the squid) looks around with an evil look and whips his wand from his robes. Wait, that's a teddy….

'**Where is he going with this, Bob??'**

'**Shut up or he might kill us. He has a scary look in his eyes.'**

Ah-ha, there's the wand…. and he's holding it to the throat of the bear???

'Clap, or the teddy gets it.' He says, very calmly.

Gasp. Then applause. Lots of it. The teddy and the wand go away.

'Yeah….errr……three-two-one-**Go**!!!'

The Kraken and the squid start swimming really really fast, with Snape and Jack sitting on top of them.

'The crowd's going wild!'

'Looks like it's going to be a close call..'

'The kraken's pulled ahead…'

'No, the squid's in lead..'

'What's that Jack Sparrow's whispering??'

Jack is whispering in what (we hope...) is the Kraken's ear and they stop.

'Whatever it was, he can't have liked it…'

'Wait, what's happening now?? '

Suddenly the Kraken disappeared……..

Snape does his evil laugh and him and the squid go even faster.

'They're getting close…'

'Only twenty or so metres to go…. sure-fire win for the S squad!'

'**WTF??? _S Squad_????'**

'**What? I think it's pretty clever actually….'**

'……**'**

'**You know, Snape with the Squid…S Squad???'**

'……**'**

' **sigh Never mind…'**

'Wait, so where's the Kraken?'

Just then the Kraken surfaces at the far end of the pool just in front of the 'S Squad'. The 'S Squad' are going to fast to stop and barrel right into the Kraken's mouth. It swallows and burps.

'…….'

'Well, that was…. unexpected'

**A/N Thanx to Captain Oz for the squid/kraken idea.**

**Sorry it took me forever to post this, but my inspiration is _nil point_ (a bit of French for you there!) and Alonzo had eloped (hehe Thorn). Luckily, I think everything's back now! **

**Teddy idea is something to do with South Park...I think.. (???)**

**Thanx to all my reviewers!**

**Em xXx**


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